Doing it in the car

I’ve been driving for over a decade now, and I’ve had my fair share of doing it in the car, whether the vehicle is mine or the other guy’s, or while parked in a discreet place or cruising down the street. I’ve even done it in the family van while it was parked in the garage and the family was asleep in the house!

Well I have to say that after all of those experiences, I find that the risk of getting caught always outweighed the pleasure I derived from those escapades. Some people get a kick from the thrill caused by the thought that somebody will catch them in the act, but I definitely can say that it’s not something I seek. (Anxiety and libido don’t mix well for me.) Then again, getting your manhood serviced by someone’s mouth while you’re driving is certainly a pleasure that might be worth repeating.

The second eyeball I had from IRC was actually an SEB that happened in the van of the guy I met. That event was also the first time I experienced somebody catching us, though it was just a passerby who smiled wryly at us. Whew!

I’ve also had my share of run-ins with the cops, the latest being in December 2007 while I was parked in Malate with a guy I met in Bed. Apparently, Manila’s "Finest" routinely patrol the streets and inspect parked cars. Fortunately, I’ve never been caught red-handed in those run-ins and I hope I stay lucky in that regard.

Anyway, here are some tips I can give you should you like to have your own car escapades.

• While it seems that the most obvious thing to do is to park the car in the darkest and most remote corner of wherever, doing so actually raises suspicion and attracts unneeded attention from people. So don’t do it.

• While tinted windows may give added protection, it also increases attention. So don’t park suspiciously if you have tint.

• If you can stand the heat (and I can tell you it gets warm), don’t leave the car engine running while parked just to leave the air conditioning on. Running engines also raise attention, obviously.

• I’ve found from experience that the best place to park is one where there’s very little pedestrian traffic but with plenty of other cars parked such that your car won’t look out of place, and one where there is no regular police patrol.

• When parked, the two of you should stay in the driver and passenger seat. It’s harder to give an alibi if you’re both in the back seat should someone come up to you guys. If you’re going to recline the seat, don’t recline it too much that you can’t see what’s in front of you, and adjust the rear-view mirror such that you can still see anybody approaching from the back.

• It may seem unintuitive, but parking right under a street light at night might be an option. Very few people would think suspiciously of a car parked under a light. Just position the car such that the light isn’t shining directly into the windscreen. The glare from the street light would also deepen the shadow hiding the two of you.

• Avoid any rhythmic action that would be magnified by the car’s suspension system—especially if it’s already creaky.

• Rehearse possible alibis if you’re confronted by the cops (like you’re waiting for a friend or you’re waiting for the MRT to start for the day before you can drop off your friend, etc.). And unless you’re caught red-handed, feign innocence always.

• Don’t do anything all out like completely stripping your clothes. Always make sure that you can cover or straighten yourselves up at a moment’s notice.

• Best advice that I can give: treat car hanky-pankies as a form of foreplay instead of as an end in itself. It’s much safer that way.

Got any advice or experiences to share? Go place them in the comments section! I’ll just leave you with this entertaining (as always) anecdote from McVie. His experience has got to be the most outrageous car escapade story I’ve ever read!